I feel like I’m in the middle of a poker tournament.
It’s one I’ve been playing for quite a while. And I’ve been playing against myself.
On one side of the table is confident Sarah- the one who thinks that someday I might actually make this whole photography thing work. The one who doesn’t expect people to laugh in her face when she calls herself a photographer. The one who believes in the way she shoots. The one who knows she has a lot to learn, but finds the learning exciting.
On the other side of the table is self-doubt Sarah. She’s the one who’s been winning hand after hand lately. She’s the one who believes she’s a fraud. She sees all the insane talent everyone else has, and knows she’s never going to measure up. She’s the one who hears critiques and feels like hanging up her camera for good.
And so far, confident Sarah has been playing it safe. She’s got plenty of chips left, and knows that if she doesn’t ever risk those chips- if she never jumps and believes in the hand she has, that she’ll never lose everything. Sure she might not win the jackpot, but she’ll be in the game forever.
The thing is that the game is growing old.
Confident Sarah is tired of it. Her butt is getting numb from sitting too long, she’s had far too many free sodas, and the casino’s smoke is really getting to her (maybe I’m taking this analogy a bit too far…). It’s time for this game to end. Either all in or all out.
And I’m all in.
I feel like I’m pushing all my chips into the middle of the table. I have no idea if my cards are good enough, I have no idea what the player across from me holds. But I’m ready to jump. I’m ready to risk it. I’m all in.
Today I looked at a new office space- gallery space, if you will. It’s small and cute and perfect for me. A perfect place to work, a perfect place to meet with clients, a perfect teaching space, a perfect way to show off my photos. It’s in Helsinki’s Design District (it even has a little sticker on the window!) and only a short walk from Gran Delicato Cafe, which is really a selling point all in by itself.
I’ll post photos once I’ve got the gallery set up (it’s not a studio. It’s not a studio. It’s NOT a studio- I’m not a studio photographer and have no plans on becoming one). Time to head to Pinterest for some rad ideas.
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCITING!!!! SO EXCITING! you can still call it a studio even if you don’t shoot there
it sounds fancy 
If it helps, I’m looking for a photographer for Reagan’s senior photos right now and all I can think is, “I wish Sarah were here!” followed closely by, “I wish I were rich enough that I could fly Sarah here!”
Seriously.
Instead I will hire a perfectly adequate local photographer and the pictures will be fine but I’ll just look at them and think, “Sarah would have done it better.”
Stupid Atlantic ocean.
Your studio will be a monumental success.
Awesome! And I love those stickers!
Good for you for listening to confident Sarah! God bless all that you do!
you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!