On Sunday I had the most traumatic experience as a parent to-date.

We were at church, and I saw my mom carry Benjy into the kitchen.  Ten seconds later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom fall.  It took about .5 seconds for Benjy to start crying, and in that time, my heart in my throat, I thought, “Oh, thank goodness Benjy made it okay.”  And then the screaming started.  Screaming and screaming and screaming.  It probably took me less than a second to swoop into the kitchen and grab him from the ground.  But I tell you, that second was too long.

“His chin.  He hit his chin,” my mom said, clearly shaken herself.

Oh, he sure had hit his chin.  He was bleeding.  And bleeding.  There was so much blood, I couldn’t tell where the blood was coming from.

People were handing me paper towels, thinking that would be enough- the Mother Hen in me wanted to push everyone away and take care of my son in peace- I was totally freaking out at this point.

Finally, I asked for a clean tea towel, wiped enough blood away to see that he had actually bitten his lip THROUGH his lip.  I knew we had to get to the hospital, so Olli ran to get the car, while I tried to console my inconsolable little boy.

We drove as fast as possible to the nearest hospital, which was way too long since my little boy was SCREAMING in his car seat the whole way.

We finally got to the ER, where they promptly told us we have to go to the children’s clinic ER.  Ohmyheavens.  So, we had to wait for Olli- who had gone to park the car- to come find us, so we could run back to the car, strap screaming Benjy back in the car seat, to try and find the children’s clinic ER.

We finally got to the right place, and Benjy’s wailing had subsided to pathetic sobs.  His bleeding had also stopped for the most part.  A nurse came out to us in the waiting room and treated him right there.

No stitches were needed- just painkillers and a visit to the dentist the next day.

Benjy fell asleep the second we re-entered the car and took a four hour nap.

When he woke up, we got to see the damage- one slightly chipped tooth, a skinned chin, little perforations where his upper teeth had gone through his lip, a destroyed inner lip, a swollen lip, and swollen chin.  He looked awful.  But it was nothing serious or beyond repair.

I know I should have taken a photo of him, but honestly I was too traumatized to do so.

And here’s why- it’s not that something bad happened- nothing bad actually DID happen- it was that perhaps for the first time in a long time, I realized that something bad COULD happen.  Benjy could have been seriously hurt.  Benjy CAN be seriously hurt.  At any given moment, something absolutely, horribly tragic could happen to my little angel.  And I would be destroyed.  Totally destroyed.

Hearing him scream?  Seeing him in pain?  I would have given ANYTHING in the world for that to be me instead of him.  I kept replaying seeing him sprawled out on the kitchen floor, in shock before the tears.  HORRIBLE doesn’t even begin to describe it.

After I had tucked Benjy in for his nap, I retreated to my bed and just cried.  I am so blessed to have the little boy that I do, blessed that he was protected from any real harm, blessed that he’s bounced back and apart from difficulty eating (he seems to have trouble opening his mouth- like he can open it about half an inch and then it looks painful) and a few nearly- healed scabs, you’d never know anything had happened.

But what about next time?

I know I can’t live life thinking about what might happen.  Because, really, if you REALLY think about- if you stop and consider all the dangers in life, you’d never actually leave your house.  You HAVE to take things for granted or you’ll freak yourself out.

But man oh man.  I’m pretty scarred at the moment.  I just want to hold him a lot.  And kiss him a lot.

And that’s okay, too.  We could all use a few more hugs and kisses, right?

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